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I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

 

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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

 

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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, It's Wales, Dumbo! So I corrected myself, My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?

 

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What is the name for a person who is excessively loud? Mike......>very funny<

 

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When the clock strikes 13, what time is it? It's time to acquire a new clock.

 

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Are you familiar with the joke about yoga? Oh, forget it, it's a bit of a stretch.

 

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

 

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If a Beautiful Women Goes for A Walk Daily. She Improves the Health of Ten Men.

 

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He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."

 

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I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease. I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

 

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A Russian While Visiting India Went For An Eye Check Up. The Dr. Shows The Letters On The Board 'CZWXNQSTAZKY' & Asked. Doctor-Can You Read This? Russian: Read? I Even Know This Guy. He's My Cousin.

 

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A Boy Was Driving His Car. A Girl On Scooty Came From Behind And Overtook Him. Boy Took Out His head From Car Window & Shouted: 'Hey Buffalo.' Girl Turned Back And Shouted: You Pig, Donkey, Idiot, Stupid Monkey. Suddenly She Met With An Accident. She Was Hit By A Buffalo Crossing The Road. Moral Of This Story: Girls Never Understand What A Boy Wants To Say.

 

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The longest distance for a morning work in winter, is from the Bed to the toilet.

 

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Man Meets His Friend & Notices He's Wearing An Earring. When Did You Start Wearing Earnings?
Friend: Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.

 

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Professor To Students: I Want You To Write An Essay With The Following Elements: 1. Religion 2. Royalty 3. Sex And 4. Mystery After Two Minutes Pappu Shouts: 'Done' Proffesor: 'Let Me See' Pappu Had Written: Oh My God, Says The Queen, I Am Pregnant Yet… I Don’t Know Who Did It.

 

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Difference Between A Good Lawyer & A Great Lawyer?
A Good Lawyer Knows The Law And A Great Lawyer Knows The Judge

 

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Boss Calls His Employee In His Office. Boss: “Do You Believe In Life After Death?” Employee: “Certainly Not, There Is No Proof Of It.” Boss: “Well, There Is Now, After You Leave Early To Go To Your Uncle’s Funeral Yesterday, He Came Here Looking For You.”

 

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A Man Got Two Wishes From God.

He Asked For The Best Drink And Best Woman.

The Next Moment He Got Bisleri And Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment Matters Are Subject To Market Risks. Please Read The Offer Document Carefully Before Investing.

 

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…where my work stops.

 

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Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

 

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