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Wife: How would you describe me? Husband: ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: What does that mean? Husband: Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot. Wife: Aw, thank you, but what about IJK? Husband: I’m just kidding!

 

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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

 

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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

 

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Why are green beans the most Zen of all vegetables? Because they’ve found their inner peas.

 

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Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me.
Boss: Really? Which are the three companies?
Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.

 

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Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down? Because the data might fall down.

 

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Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

 

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Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?"
Student: "No idea miss"
Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy".
Amy: "Bow Wow Wow Miss"

 

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Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.

 

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Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"? Student: 4 Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D" Student: 52 Teacher: What?! How? Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.

 

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Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in. Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.

 

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Lady 1: My son is very well behaved. Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years. Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.

 

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Patient to his friend: The nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. She touched me and my fever got cured immediately. Friend: Yeah, I could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.

 

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Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?

 

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Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night. Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

 

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Teacher: Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree? Student: 'No idea miss' Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy". Amy: 'Bow Wow Wow Miss'.

 

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Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh...., not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.

 

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Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny! Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.

 

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Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone? Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.

 

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Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it? Answer: Lice

 

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