Daily Jokes on EkNazar

50 Year Sentence

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!

Chiropractor

A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back. He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man's hands on his back.

"Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"

"I'm a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can't keep myself from practicing my skills."

"Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I'm an attorney, and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

Late Tom

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.

So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"

"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

Older and Smarter

George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No." Then they said "All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay" He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the burglars r ed-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Workplace Negotiations

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

Yo Quiero Some Tail

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."

The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."

She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

College Dorm

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

looking for a clean shirt

Didn't you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor? asked the policeman.
No, I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt, replied the woman.

Answer-Genie
A man was walking through a thrift store when he found a genie lamp. After rubbing it, a genie popped out.

"Hello there," he said,"I am not a wish-granting genie, I am an answer genie. You may ask me three questions."
The man asked these questions:

1. What? Genie:"Hello there," he said,"I am not a wish-granting genie, I am an answer genie. You may ask me three questions."

2. Do I get another question? Genie: "No"

3. Dude, what the heck? Genie: "That counts."

A 50th Wedding Anniversary

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."

Upcoming wedding ceremony

"Whom would you like to invite for your upcoming wedding ceremony?" Father asked his son
"All except you and mom" the Son replied
"But why" Father angrily shouted
"Had you bothered to invite me for your ceremony!" the Son pleaded.

Going to the Dentist

One day a man walks into a dentist's and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth?

"$160," the dentist says.

"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"

"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $120."

"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anaesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $40."

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $20." "Marvellous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday !"

Survive or died

First Kid: Once when I was playing on a road, a speeding bike hit me and I fell down on the earth unconsciously.

Second Kid: Oh my God! Did you survive that accident or you died.

First Kid: I don't remember exactly, I was only 3 yeas old at that time.

Mathematician husband

A mathematician reached home at 3 AM.

His wife was very upset.

Wife: You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!

Mathematician: I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve.

(12/4 = 3)

20 years Ago

Wife: Sweet Heart ! When you remove your specks you look like the same cute guy whom I married 20 years back.

Husband: Yes dear, when I remove my specks, you also look like the same charming girl whom I married 20 years back.

computer password

A Kid calls the Help Desk to complain a computer problem.

Kid: When I type computer password, it just shows star star star star. Whatz the joke?

Help Desk: Dear kid, those stars are to protect you, so that if a person standing behind, he can't read your password.

Kid: Yeah, but stars appear even when there is no one standing behind me.