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A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a "Living Will"

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."



 
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Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero
 
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Wife : "Naari" Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.
Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : 'Sahan Shakti'
 
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While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents dat, "Mai aapki beti ko shaadi ke baad bohot khush rakhunga"
Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents....??????
No..... because women don't lie
 
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Now a Days!!
Position of Husband is like a Split A.C,
No matter how loud he is outside,
But inside the house
He is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by remote called Wife.



 
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Wife to Husband: Will you take me out for dinner in the evening?
Your options are:
A) YES
B) A
C) B



 
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Husband (angrily): Why You was delaying to accept my call?
Wife (irritated): I was dancing on ringtones.



 
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A married man's best asset is...
.
.
.
His 'Lie-Ability'!



 
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Father to son: hey son! Why is your mother sitting so silent today??
.
.
.
.
Son: nothing dad.!!!!
she asked forlipstick and i heard favistick. Father: god bless you my dear son..



 
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Husband & Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again, I am coming to home.
Mom : No Dear, he must pay for his mistake,
I am comming to stay with you at your home.



 
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Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second


 
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When husband breaks a glass.
Wife: Break everything. Break all these bottles... break the kitchen... break the house... just break everything!
And when wife breaks a glass.
Wife: Who kept this glass here?.



 
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Husband sent an sms to wife:
thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever
i am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making
it worth living. You're great.
She replied that sms: pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao.. Daro mat..
Kuchh nahi bolungi..! !Husband: thank you.


 
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Women are like Fruits...
Every one has its unique colour, shape, aroma and taste....
Problem is with men...!
They want
FRUIT SALAD..!!


 
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Real Astronomers are in our family,
1st Mother who showed the moon in childhood.
2nd papa - who used to show the whole universe in just 1 slap.
Third wife - who shows stars during the day. This NASA is just confusion.



 
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Definition of Honeymoon:
a man's last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!



 
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A Man Lost his Wife In Sunami
One Drunk-Night ..
while standing on the Seashore, waves touching on his feets .
He shouted to the Sea: 'No matter how many times your Waves Touch my Feet
.
.
.
I'll Never take her back .. !!
Its your mistake..
Deal With It Now...



 
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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!


 
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A big-city resident was spending his vacation in a small town in the country. Chatting with a local in the coffee shop, he asked, "Do you know any big people who were born here?"
The villager scratched his head and then said, "No, sir. Only tiny babies are born here."


 
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A man talking to God:

The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
 
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