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Girl : Dad…I’m in love…

Its love on 2nd sight!!☺

Dad : What’s love on 2nd sight?

Girl : When I saw him 1st, he was buying Manikchand Gutka…

When I saw him again…he was spitting out of his Audi?
 
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Self confidence

A Man wrote to the bank. “My Cheque was returned with remark ‘Insufficient funds’.

I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank”.

(This is self confidence in its peak ??)
 
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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother . "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
 
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A child asked to his mother:
-mom! Can you give me some money?
His mom : why?
-I will give to a old man
His mom : well done! Okay, where is the old man ?
-Momm.. He is at the end of the street...He is selling ice-cream
 
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Wife : Honey before we got married , you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelery.

Husband : Yes...so ?

Wife : How come you don't do it anymore ?

Husband : Have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to the fish after catching it

Husband : Baby, before we got married, you were the sexiest girl i've ever met but now you are twice my size, what happened baby

Wife : Have you ever seen a fisher(woman) give worms to the fish after she has caught it? same thing.
 
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Two Elderly Women

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.

This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us."

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh No! Am I driving?"
 
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Ten Mad men were locked up In a chicken yard..
Nine of them started jumping up and Down screaming and making cock crow sounds,..
However, one was found seated quietly at one Corner Of the yard.

The Doctor Went towards him and Whispered, "I can see you are the Only one among the 10 patients who have Regained Mental Sanity..

The man Quickly replied to the Doctor,
"HEY shhhhh! Keep Quiet, am trying To lay an Egg!!
 
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A professor was one day walking along a very narrow street when he came face to face with a rival.

The street was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily, "I never make way for fools!"

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said,

"I always do."
 
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I saw an old man sitting on a park bench. He was crying. I asked him what was wrong.

He said, “I’m 80 years old. I’m rich beyond my wildest dreams. I own every expensive toy you can think of. And I’m married to a hot 23-year-old who not only gives me the greatest sex ever, but cooks like a master chef, and keeps my house spotless!”

“So what’s the problem?” I asked.

He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
 
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A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation?
B: Yes, of course.
A: Great! I never could before!
 
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An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
 
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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
 
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When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
 
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A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
 
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What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"
 
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Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.
 
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A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
B: Ok
A: A white horse fell in the mud.
 
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If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases?
 
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A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?

B: It's because your feet aren't empty.
 
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A: Why are all those people running?
B: They are running a race to get a cup.
A: Who will get the cup?
B: The person who wins.
A: Then why are all the others running?
 
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