"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Because I’m still alive.”
"Dad you look tired."
"Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes? Those are the shadows of my great deeds."
Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?"
Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Wife (after a fight) 😡 ...
Tell me those 3 magical words..
Husband: I love u 🌹
Wife : No 😡 not this
Husband : I like u 😜
Wife : Again No 😡😡 not these 3 words
Husband : I miss u 😃
Wife : Getting more angry....No no 😡😡😡
Husband - I was wrong 😔😩😖
Wife :YES 💃
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A teenager went missing.
His family uploads a message on whatsapp with his photo.
He was found, thanks to whatsapp.
It is more than three months now.
He is not able to go to school.
People are dropping him back home as the message is still circulating on whatsapp !!!
A patient goes to a doctor (on sunday)--my wife doesnt listen to me , has no respect for me, always fights with me , pls give some solution..
Dr : its not that easy , thats why my clinic is open even on sundays.
I went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into my house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" I said. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
HUSBANDS ARE THE BEST PEOPLE TO SHARE YOUR SECRETS WITH...
THEY WLL NEVER TELL ANYONE BECAUSE THEY AREN'T EVEN LISTENING
One day at school....
Teacher: Varun, answer me. What do you wanna be when you grow up.
Varun: Teacher, I wish to become a very rich man. My business should be in all major cities. I should buy a big bungalow. I will always travel by air. Wherever I go into should stay in 5 star hotels. There should be minimum 10 servants to take care of my needs. I should own the costliest car. I should have the costliest diamond.
Teacher: Stop Varun. Students, henceforth you should not give such lengthy answer. Please reply in a sentence. Ok. Now you tell me Pooja. What do you want to be?
Pooja: Varun's wife ..
Women should rule the world there would be no wars.......
Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
Worried husband 😳to his guru swamiji: Swamiji, sometimes in the midnight when I wake up I have seen my wife's face glittering behind the blanket as if god's light is entering her body... what a miracle swamiji. What does it mean O Swami....!?
Swamiji: ✋Vatsa, before you go to sleep, don't forget to lock your phone.. It means she is checking your phone calls and messages..
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot..."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Interviewer : Do you participate in any dangerous activities ?
Me : Yes, Sometimes I disagree with my wife !!
A boy met a girl in Metro....
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy: Awwww.......Are you single?
Girl: No, I am a Dentist.
21st June.....India declares International yoga day.
22nd June....millions of people who did yoga on 21st June wake up with severe body aches and pain.
23rd June....Thailand declares International Massage Day.
Get Married Not for Yourself,
But for the future of your children,
They are getting late for school
and Fees are increasing day by day