List Of People To Bite
Doctor: I'm sorry to have to tell you that you may have rabies, and it could prove fatal.
Patient: Well, doctor, please give me pencil and paper.
Doctor: To make your will?
Patient: No, to make a list of people I want to bite.
Teacher :15 fruit k naam batao?
Anand :ek Amrood.
Anand :ek Aam,ek Apple.
Anand :ek dozen banana, ho gaye 15
Teacher:" Why are u sleeping in the class ??
Student:" Your voice is so sweet that's why i am getting sleep..
Teacher:" Then why other students are not sleeping ??
Student:" They aren't listening to u mam...:p:O
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts.
Employee : Since Heavy rains I cannot come to office.
Boss : In resume you have mentioned your hobby as swimming, so come soon dude.
Once a lawyer wakes up from his disease after treatment, and notices his spouse besides him. His eyes little open and he utters, "Hey beautiful!" and then he falls asleep again.
His wife gets a shock because he never heard it from him.
After 10 minutes, he again opens his eyes and he says Hey cute!"
She asks what happened? Earlier you were calling me beautiful but now cute. why?
"The drugs are wearing off!" He replies!
Husband:u will never succeed
in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with u at first.
Girl : Can we Talk.
Boy : About wat?
Girl : US
Boy : Why you wanna talk about the United States.
Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.
Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man --- So that you will love them.
Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man --- So that they will love you.
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
I havenít spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Teena brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wifeís Response: Who is Teena?
Being A Tough Teacher
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
Colors of Flag
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"
"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?"
"Huge hands, sir."
Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isnít that wonderful? Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldnít have discovered anything.