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Teacher : What is the difference between Orange and Apple?

Student: Color of Orange is Orange but color of Apple is not Apple.
 
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Customer : My Mobile Bill How much?
Call Center Executive: Sir, Please dial 123 to Know your CURRENT BILL statu.
Customer: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
 
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What do you call a skeleton that is always sleeping?
A lazy bone!
 
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Why don’t we see a bat alone?
Because bats always like to hang out with their friends!
 
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What did Dracula said about her new girlfriend?
Oh, she is my love at first bite!
 
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Which race has no running?
A swimming race.
 
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Whose son was Edward, the Black Prince?
Old King Coal!
 
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Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!
 
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Teacher to Danny: Danny, why you are not writing?
Danny: Ma’am, I don’t has a pen
Teacher: Danny, you said a wrong sentence. The correct form is I don’t have a pen, he doesn’t have a pen and we don’t have a pen.
Danny: oh Ma’am! Who stole all the pens then?!

 
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David to Mom: Mom, I have got hundred in class test today
Mom: well done, in which?
David: I got a 40 in spelling and a 60 in reading!

 
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How many seconds do you have in a year?
Answer: 12 seconds – January 2, February 2, March 2, etc…
 
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A farmer grabbed his 10-year-old son and asked, “Did you cut down that cherry tree?”

“Yes, Daddy, I did.” – the boy replied sobbing. “I cannot tell a lie.”

The farmer grabbed the boy, put him on his knee and whaled the tar out of him.

“But, Daddy,” the boy cried, “George Washington’s father didn’t do that to him when he cut down that cherry tree when he was a boy.”

“That’s true,” the father replied, “but George Washington’s father wasn’t sitting in the tree when he cut it down!”
 
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Two boys were struggling with a huge table in a doorway. They pushed and pulled and upped it and downed it until both were exhausted.

Between gasps for air, one managed to say, “We better give up…’cause we’ll never get this table into the house.”

“Into the house?” screamed the other. “I thought we were moving it out of the house!”
 
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Jeremy: “My Dad says the price of everything is going up, up, up. Food, clothes,… everything. He says he’d like to see something go down!”
Jim: “Would you like to show him my report card?”
 
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A boy walked into a pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to give him something to cure the hiccups. The pharmacist merely leaned over and slapped the kid on the back.

“Why did you do that to me?” – asked the boy.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups now, do you!”
“No, but my Mom out in the care still does!” – the boy replied.
 
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A small boy ridiculed the talk about a painless dentist in his neighborhood. “He’s not painless at all.” – said the boy.

“He put his finger in my mouth and I bit it and he yelled just like anybody would.
 
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What can you put in your right hand but not your left?
Your left elbow.
 
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A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”

The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”
 
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“Mama, there’s a man at the door,” said little Johnny.
“He says he’s collecting for senior citizens. Do you think we should hide Grandpa?”
 
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Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!
 
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