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This is her husband!
A man speaks frantically into the phone,

"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
 
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what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?
A little boy was taken to the dentist.

It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.

Asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"

"Chocolate please," replied the youngster.
 
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Love After Marriage Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Boy: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
 
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where the question paper is leaking
Once Professor asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
 
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Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.


 
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.



 
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Exactly what's my problem,

Doctor: "Take the green pill with a glass of water
when you get up. Take the blue pill with 2 glasses
of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed,
take the red pill with another glass of water."

Man: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?"

Doctor: "You're not drinking enough water."
 
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"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
into mischief, finally asked him,

"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,

"Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.Peter says...

'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"
 
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idiots, will they please stand up
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"

Inquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
 
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Profession Used in Bible First
Three people were arguing about what profession was used first in the bible.

The Surgeon says, "The Medical profession was used first when God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.

The Engineer says, "No, engineering was used first. Just think of the engineering job it took to create the world out of chaos.

The Politician says, "You would have nothing if we didn't create chaos in the beginning?
 
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Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"


 
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Son: "Mom can I get twenty bucks" Mom: M.O.M stands for?"
Does it look like I am Made Of Money Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"



 
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"change"
Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is "change" in the weather.



 
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Q: What does one penny say to the other penny? A: Let's get together and make some cents.



 
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut!
 
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Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts.
 
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Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
 
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Q:What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.
 
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Computer specialist
Computer specialist is walking down the street when suddenly the brick fall down on his head.
- Stupid Tetris!- thinks computer specialist before losing consciousness.
 
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I'm free!
Lady, have you been invited to dance?
Oh, not yet. I'm free!
Then please keep my beer...
 
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