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Wife: why don't you advised your friend to select his wife hence she is not a match with him?
husband: mmmm.... becoz he didn't advised me on that time

 
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I breathe a man dies

Bhola (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Pyarelal: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

 
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MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.

Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
 
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DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.

Friend: condolence, my friend.

(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder

Friend: what now?

Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

 
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A gentle push!!!
wife: what will you do if i succesfully climb and reach the top of mount everest?

husband: a gentle push!!!
 
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A student grabbed a coin,

A student grabbed a coin,

Flipped it in the air & said,
"Head, I go to sleep."

Tail, I watch a movie.

If it stands on the edge I'll study.
 
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When I Was Born
When I was born, GOD said,
"Oh No! Another IDIOT".
When you were born, GOD said,
"OH NO! COMPETITION".
Who knew,
one day these Idiots will become
FRIENDS FOREVER!
 
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CIA: why criminals leave their fingerprints after doing their work?
Recruit: Sir, I Think they are illiterate, if they were literate, they would leave their signature for u.

 
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Undying Love?
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
 
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ABCD.....
A - U r Attractive
B - U r the Best
C - U r Cute
D - U r Dear 2 Me
E - U r Excellent
F - U r Funny
G - U r Good-Looking
H - hehehe
I - I'm
J - JOKING
 
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Surprised Long Drive
GIRL: Where are you taking me?
BOY: Long Drive!
GIRL: Wow... why didn't you tell me first?
BOY: Even I don't know that.
GIRL: How?
Boy: Bike Breaks are not working.
 
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Entrance Exam

Hi friends i got some funny sms i want to share with you Read & Enjoy it

1) Tortoise n Rabbit wrote entrance exam n tortoise got 80% n rabbit got 81%. Both wanted admission in a good Engineering college, cut off was 85%. Rabbit didn't get but tortoise got the admission even with 80%any guess as how?
?

?

?
U remember when we were in 1st standard tortoise won a race ......
Got the seat in sports quota.
 
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Car Driving Course
I saw an advertisement for a school that claimed it could teach anyone to drive a car in five minutes or less. I called them up and asked "How can you teach anyone to drive in five minutes or less?"
They answered "It's a crash course."
 
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Regular naps prevent old age, especially if
you take them while driving.
 
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Lion!!!
In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment,a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,
'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas
to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ... did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

*Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!*
 
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TC to Sadhu :- Where you want to go ?
Sadhu :- Want to go to place where lord Rama born...

TC :- You have ticket ?
Sadhu :- No !

TC :- Ok come with me !
Sadhu :- Where ?
TC :- to the place whereLord Krishn was Born !!!
 
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Modern Wife
Husband to Wife - You will never succeed
in making that dog obey you.

Wife: Nonsense it's only a matter of patience,
I had a lot of trouble with you at first.
 
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MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET

WHICH IS THE MOST DANGEROUS ALPHABET OF ALL?

" W "!!

B'COZ ALL WORIES START WITH "W"

WHO?
WHY?
WHAT?
WHEN?
WHICH?
WHOM?
WHERE?
WAR!
AND FINALLY

Woman and WIFE....!
 
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A teenage gal chatting
A teenage gal was chatting on fb
wid a stranger

Stranger: hey pretty! Cud u gimme ur MSN?

Gal: oh yes sure :)
its - iHaveaBoyFriendAndiLoveHimAlot@getlost.com

Stranger: and mine is iAmYourFather@uaredead.com
 
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Power of Computer
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

"My love, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
 
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