How True A Cigaratte shortens your life in 2 mins, A beer shortens your life in 4mins and a working day shortens your life in 8 hrs.
As old as me
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, A bull and a cow is grazing in the
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Jump out of the window!
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in
two days time?
Post Master : Well it might do.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Johor
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
Not A Fortune Teller
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I am a waiter,not a fortune teller
Do you Serve Crabs ?
Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway.
He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change.
The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.
What did one computer say to the other?
The Honest Lawyer
When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?
When his lips are shut.
Engineering in Hell
Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."
"Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"
God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."
Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."
God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."
Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Our Hindu Gods
Brahma: “System installer”
Vishnu: “System operator”
Shiva: “System programmer”
Narad: “Data Transmitter”
Apsara & Rambha: “Virus”
Ganapati: “Anti virus”
Chitragupta: “Hard Disc”
Saraswati: “Internet explorer”
Parvati: “Mother Board”
I Kissed Your Mom Last Night
In A Bar 1 Guy Says To Another: “I Kissed Your Mom Last Night”
Whole Bar Was Waiting For The Other Guy’s Response.
He Laughs And Says: “Lets Go Home Dad, You Are Drunk Now“
Which Of The Two Travels Faster?
Teacher: “Which Of The Two Travels Faster, Heat Or Cold?”
Teacher: “What Makes You Think That?”
Student: “Because We Catch Cold“
You Are Handsome
Girl To Other Girl: “You Are So Beautiful”
Other Girl: “Thank You Are Beautiful Too”
Boy To Another Boy: “Hi, You Are Handsome”
Other Boy: “Gay Saala“
How To Teach Dance In Just 5 Sec?
How To Teach A Girl Dance In Just 5 Sec?
Simple The Best Answer Given By Pappu
Throw A Cockroach On Her.