Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
Q:What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.
Computer specialist is walking down the street when suddenly the brick fall down on his head.
- Stupid Tetris!- thinks computer specialist before losing consciousness.
Lady, have you been invited to dance?
Oh, not yet. I'm free!
Then please keep my beer...
He & SheHe: Can I buy you a drink?
She: I would rather have the money.
He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.
He: Go on. Don't be shy, ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.
He: I think I could make you very happy?
She: Why? Are you leaving?
Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: A widow.
Help a woman when she is in trouble and she will remember you when she will be in trouble again.
A wife to her husband:
Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm reading our marriage certificate.
- What for?
- I'm looking for the expiry date..
I Am Sorry I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew it.
WHO'S GUILTY? Wife dreaming at night. Suddenly, "Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of d window & realizes, "Damn it! I'm d husband!!!"
Same husband in next life too??
Why do Indian women want same husband in next life too??
Efforts taken by her to change him in this life will not b wasted!! ;-)
How Do You Know Carrots Are Good For Your Eyes?
You Never See a Rabbit Wearing Glasses
I'm in a big trouble!
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today."
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
"The Best Restaurant"There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
The man said to Bohlool, "You said your donkey has been taken but there it is. Is it not?"
Nasruddin replied, "You are a strange and stupid friend. Even after forty years of friendship, you listen to a donkey but not to me. You shall not have my donkey".
One morning, one of Nasruddin's friends came to him and said: "Dear Nasruddin, will you please lend me your donkey? I have to travel to the next village to deliver some goods by sundown."
"Oh", replied Nasruddin with a pretension of anxiety, "but mine has already been taken by somebody else."
Just then the bray of a donkey was heard.
Fish Saved My Life
"Once I was dying," said Nasruddin one day, "It was then that a fish saved my life."
"How? Please tell me." asked a curious listener.
"I was dying out of hunger. There was a river nearby. I caught the fish and ate it. It saved my life."
"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?" asked a person.
"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me.