In A Bar A Man Attend Da Call
In a bar, a man attend da call of a ringing mobile.
Wife: Darling shall I buy 1 diamond ring?
Man: Sure honey!
Wife: Shall I use your credit card for Crystal pendant?
Man: Ok dear!
Friends: Great to see that you love her so much!
Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?!?
Phone Bill Was Exceptionally High
The phone bill was exceptionally high..
Man called a family meeting on saturday to discuss..
Dad- this is unacceptable. I don't use this phone, I only use my work phone..
Mum.. Me too. I hardly ever use this phone..
Son- I use my office mobile I never use the home phone..
All of them are shocked n together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them..
So we all use our work phones.. Not a Big deal...!
Can We Go To Mcdonald
Kid:Dad, can we go to McDonald?"
Dad:Only If you can spell Mcdonalds
Kid:Thought For A Minute, turned around and said "Can we go to KFC instead?"
One girl comes late to class
Professor : Why r u late?
Girl : One boy was following me sir
Professor : So,what?
Girl : That boy was walking very slowly.
Two friends were talking by sitting road side.
Suddenly they saw a man came from his car and open car door for his wife.
Then one friend told to other, "If a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife."
A nervous old lady
A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear:
"Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"
Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
A child was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When her turn came she rolled the dice and landed on 'Science & Nature'.
Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a long while and then asked: "Is it on or off?"
God isn't deaf
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
A man walks up to the counter at the airport.
'Can I help you?' asks the agent.
'I want a round trip ticket,' says the man.
'Where to?' asks the agent.
'Right back to here.'
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said
''Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they''re dead?
Are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?''.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Letter to Grandma
Mother:Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to?
Mother:Your handwriting seems very large.
Son:Well, Grandma''s very deaf, so I''m writing very loudly.
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: 'To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million.'
The lawyer continued, 'To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million.'
The lawyer concluded, 'And, to my cousin Cowboy, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will. Well you are wrong. Hi Cowboy!'
Just on time
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
Prescription for Overweight
A MASSIVE woman went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
On my feet
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
Income tax officer gave tips to a young lady, 'You should pay your income tax with smile.'
The lady replied, I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or cheque.