Vicky was at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect.
Her six-year-old son picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have Vicky on the line. Will you accept the charges?"
Frantic, the six-year-old dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They have Mom! And they want money!"
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Mrs. Chatterjee stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Pappu, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Pappu looked up and replied, :Well, Mrs. Chatterjee, you can;t say you weren;t warned."
Conductor: 'Did you get home all right last night?'
Man: 'Certainly! Are you insinuating I was drunk?
I was perfectly sober. Did you not see me get up and give that old lady my seat?'
Conductor: 'That's why I wondered, for you two were the only passengers on the bus.'
One day a boy and his father were walking through the woods when the son spotted some rabbit droppings.
The boy asked his Dad, "What are these Pop?" "They're smart pills son," said his father.
"Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "Yuck...these taste like poop!" "See," said his father, "you're already getting smarter!"
I had many options to Die
Hanging by Neck
Coming under a Train,
But ......... I choose
TV serials !!!
Tadap Tadap Ke Marenge :-)
A woman was sick and tired of her husband's drinking; so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan and, when her husband returned home drunk again, she leapt up from behind the couch, screaming."You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister."
Molly and Peter have been married for almost 48 years and have raised a brood of 12 children and are blessed with 23 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, Molly replies, 'Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.'
"I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning," prescribed the doctor.
"You gotta be kidding, doc, I've been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee".
The Roman War Hero
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.
"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero.
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him."Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
Married The Satan'S Sister
A woman was sick and tired of her husband's drinking; so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan and, when her husband returned home drunk again, she leapt up from behind the couch, screaming."You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your s
Q. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
A humble little man in a restaurant shyly touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. "Excuse me," he said, "but do you happen to be Mr. Williams of Main?"
"No, I'm not!" the man answered with annoyance.
"Oh! er..well," stutter the little man, "you see, I am, and that's his overcoat you're putting on."
Two friends are talking and one says to the other; "I am so tired of people not understanding what I'm talking about."
His friend asks; "What do you mean?"
"Guilty or not guilty of begging?" asked the magistrate.
"Nearly guilty," said the beggar.
"What do you mean, 'nearly' guilty?" Asked the puzzled magistrate.
"Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn't get it."
Q.Why do men break wind more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
Wife: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
'Cause you're fatter than they are.
Pam found an old family Bible in the attic.
When she opened it, a large pressed leaf fell out.
"Aha!" she said, "Adam must have left his clothes here."
The young man really liked the perfume the young lady was wearing and asked its name. She looked puzzled for a minute then dumped the contents of her purse on the table between them.
She searched through the pile and finally found a small atomizer.
She looked at the label and announced, "Unforgettable"