Conveying is an art…
Wife : I have a good news and a bad news
Husband : I am very busy … Just give me good news
Wife : the airbags worked properly in our new Audi
Husband : Where did you go?
Wife : Mall for shopping.
H : what did you purchase then?
W : One hair band and 45 selfies
Pati : Mohabbat agar andhi hai to shadi kya hai.
Patni : Shadi aankhon ka operation hai.
A bank manager without anyone around may find themself a-loan.
I woke up this morning with a string tied around my finger and I haven’t a clue why I put it there...
I better check my notes, it might be something important!
Now if I could just remember where I put my notes...
A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.
My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patient’s room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she
remarked, “An apple a day keeps
the doctor away, right?”
“That’s true,” he agreed. “I haven’t seen a doctor in three days.”
My mother was rushed to the
hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.
Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too.”
Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
Teacher: “This essay on your dog is, word for word, the same as your brother’s.”
Student: Yes, sir, it is the same dog.”
Teacher asked George: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
George replied: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
A man talking to God:
The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
Two factory workers talking:
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”
The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
"What Is The Biggest Benefit Of Having A Crush In The Same College Where You Study?" . . . . . . . . . Answer: "100% Attendance."
A Man And His Family Doctor Accidentally Meets In The Market. Doctor: "How Is Your Headache Now?" Patient: "Ohh, She Is Out Of Town."
What Is The Best Punishment For A Girl? Give Her New Clothes, Matching Jewellry And Nice Cosmetics And Then Lock Her In A Room Without A Mirror.
Johnny asked Jacob for a cigarette. Jacob Says, “I heard that you have made a New Year resolution to quit smoking habit”. Then Johnny replied, “Yes I have decided to quit this habit and I am in the process of quitting, right now I am in the second phase”. Then Jacob asked, “oh really, so what was the first phase?”
Johnny simply says “I have just quit buying cigarettes”!!
I used to believe that the brain was the most important organ. But then I thought, hey, look who’s telling me that.
If a girl is in Love...Her parents will ask who's that *idiot?*
If a boy is in Love,his parents ask : *Idiot,* who's that girl?
Misconception:No matter whoever in love, *boys are always idiots.*
Proposed theory: *Boys are normal before love, but become idiots after they fall in love*