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Molly and Peter have been married for almost 48 years and have raised a brood of 12 children and are blessed with 23 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, Molly replies, 'Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.'
 
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"I want you to drink a cup of hot water every morning," prescribed the doctor.

"You gotta be kidding, doc, I've been doing that for years, but my wife calls it coffee".
 
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The Roman War Hero
"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero.
 
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Lost Husband
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police.The officer looked at the guy's photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him."Yes, please" she replied. "Tell him Mother didn't come after all."
 
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Married The Satan'S Sister
A woman was sick and tired of her husband's drinking; so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan and, when her husband returned home drunk again, she leapt up from behind the couch, screaming."You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your s
 
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Q. What is the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
 
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To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
 
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A humble little man in a restaurant shyly touched the arm of a man putting on an overcoat. "Excuse me," he said, "but do you happen to be Mr. Williams of Main?"

"No, I'm not!" the man answered with annoyance.

"Oh! er..well," stutter the little man, "you see, I am, and that's his overcoat you're putting on."
 
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Two friends are talking and one says to the other; "I am so tired of people not understanding what I'm talking about."

His friend asks; "What do you mean?"
 
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"Guilty or not guilty of begging?" asked the magistrate.

"Nearly guilty," said the beggar.

"What do you mean, 'nearly' guilty?" Asked the puzzled magistrate.

"Well, your honor, I asked the lady for twenty-five cents but I didn't get it."
 
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Q.Why do men break wind more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
 
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Wife: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
'Cause you're fatter than they are.
 
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Pam found an old family Bible in the attic.

When she opened it, a large pressed leaf fell out.

"Aha!" she said, "Adam must have left his clothes here."
 
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The young man really liked the perfume the young lady was wearing and asked its name. She looked puzzled for a minute then dumped the contents of her purse on the table between them.

She searched through the pile and finally found a small atomizer.

She looked at the label and announced, "Unforgettable"
 
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Man of few words.
A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It with Flowers."

"Wrap up one rose" he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Just one," the customer replied..

"I'm a man of few words."

 
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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle.

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

 
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Removing An Old Curse

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 50 years.

The wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
 
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Units to Measure
Once A Girl Askd Her Bf :
Why We Have Units To Measure
Weight, Height & Distance
But
Not Love, Friendship & Trust?
.
Boy Thought For A While
.
.
.
Took Her In His Arms,
Looked Deep In Her Eyes & Said
Look, DON'T Eat My Brain!
I Have Already Failed In Physics
 
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You have heard it said that it is the thought that counts. Well, when your wife is involved it is NOT the thought that counts, it is HER thought that counts.
 
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Mom'S Advice

Son: Mom, my friends in school tease me and call me a girl.

Mom: Don't worry, next time somebody calls you like that, hit them with your handbag and scratch their face.
 
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