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A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
 
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Husband: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
Buy her a diamond ring.
 
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Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means "Without Information, Fighting Everytime!"
WIFE replied: No darling, it means "With Idiot For Ever!"
 
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Friend: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."!
 
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Stages of marriage

Mad for each other...
Made for each other...
Mad at each other....
Mad b'coz of each other.
 
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Shortest description of a married man
"Ek Tha Tiger"
 
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It is a Fact: A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband
 
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Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one
 
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They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self defense.
 
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Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......
Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi
 
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Difference between talent and god's gift:

A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.
-This is talent.
A woman can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.
-This is god's gift.
 
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Wife checks husbands mobile and find all girls numbers saved in the following order

New bird
Neighbour bird
Old bird
Upstair bird
Hospital bird
Insurance bird
College bird
Super market bird

Finally she checks her name. and it was saved as
"Angry bird"
 
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Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from room)
Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife & she says she will jump from your hotel window.
Manager : Sir, I am sorry, but this is your personal Issue.
Husband : abbe saale ! The window is not opening. This is a maintenance issue ..
 
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Wife : "why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"
 
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Wives are magicians........
They can change anything into an argument.
 
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Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !
 
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Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you'll be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before!!!
 
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Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday I gave him food today he gave me a book How to Cook !!!
 
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Intelligent Husband Wife was busy in packing her clothes.
Husband - Where are you going ?
Wife - I'm moving to my mother.
Husband also starts packing his clothes.
Wife - Now where are you going ?
Husband - I'm also moving to my mother.
Wife - And what about the kids ?
Husband - Well I guess ... If you are moving to your mother and I'm moving to my mother ... They should move to their mother.
Clothes unpacked.
 
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When your wife says...
''Correct me if I am wrong''
Just Smile & Agree.
Dont start correcting
It's a trap...
 
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