Gambling dogs and wagging tails
A man used to add to his income by gambling at poker, joining games wherever he happened to find himself. And he thought he'd seen it all, until he happened into a game in a little town and found himself seated next to a German Shepherd. A few hands later, the dog drew a straight flush and collected the jackpot. "I can't believe it!" exclaimed the man. "I've played a lot of cards in my day, but I never thought a dog could win at poker." "Aaaa, he's not that difficult to beat," said an old geezer at the table with an annoyed snort. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."
Why Did the Lady Throw Out Her Mother-In-Law?
Because Baba Ramdev Said
"Apni Saans Ko Bahar Nikalo..!!"
Submitted by: Shwetha Sumanth
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you…
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Parayi hai tuu,
Submitted by: Shwetha Sumanth
Expansion and contraction of body parts
During a class on body parts, the college professor singles out a girl student and asks her a question.
Professor: Which part of man's body expands to three times of its normal size when under emotion?
Girl Student: I feel very shy to answer your question".
Professor replied sternly: Your answer proves three points: One: You have not studied your lessons; Two: You have a dirty mind; Three: You are going to be terribly disappointed when you get married!
The correct answer is pupil of the eye!
A son came to running to his father and said excitedly
Son: Dad! I got a part in the college drama!
Father: What is your role?
Son: I am going to be a husband who is married for 25 years!
Father: Don't worry son, one day soon, you will get a role with some dialogue!
Wife: Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of our marriage. Shall I make chicken biryani for the occasion?
Husband: Let bygones be bygones! Why punish a poor chicken for a mistake that took place 15 years back!
Mary presented to her husband John a yellow shirt and a green shirt for his birthday. In the morning when he wore the green shirt she frowned at him and asked "Why, you didn't like the yellow one?"
John: Why are sitting sadly? What happened?
Paul: My wife told me that she will not talk to me for 30 days.
John: Why, you should be happy about it!
Paul: I know, but you see, today is the 30th day!
Good News or Bad News
Doctor: I have a good news & bad news for you! Which one you want first?
Patient: Bad news!
Doctor: By mistake we have removed your wrong leg!
Patient: My goodness! Then what is the good news?
Doctor: Your other leg is improving and we need not remove it!
Grab the opportunity
Scott was bruised and battered and was telling his friend that how he was seriously involved in a train accident and got $ 10,000 for himself & $ 5,000 for his wife’s injuries. Friend: Was your wife also injured?
Scott: Oh! No, she was not injured. I took this opportunity to make a fast buck. I kicked her in the shin before the inspectors arrived at the spot.
Poor math grade due to absence!!!
Mother: John! Why are you having such poor marks in Mathematics?
John: Due to absence Mom!
Mother: Were you absent from class on the day it was taught?
John: No, the boy in front was absent!
A circus owner was bragging about his troupes performances.
Circus owner: "Do you want to see our new circus show--the friendship of a lion and 5 goats."
Cutomer: "But how is that possible, doesn’t the lion eat the goats?
Circus owner: "Oh, it's not impossible. Our lion is very fond of goats. So we have to occasionally replace the goats!"
Secret of a happy marriage
A lady was asked about the secret of their successful marriage and how they came to be celebrating their 20th anniversary. She said, "It's very simple! On the day of marriage we decided that whenever I'm right, he would listen to me." "What happens when he is right?" The friend asked. "It never happened!" snapped the lady.
The three rings
There are three rings involved in a marriage and not all of them are made of gold and diamonds.
1. Engagement ring, when a man proposes marriage
2. Wedding ring, when a man pledges his life and
3. Suffering for the rest of his life after marriage
There was a discussion in a club as to the most beautiful part in a woman's body.
One man said, "woman's hair".
Another man said, "it's her eyes!"
A third man said, 'Oh! It's her lips only!"
A woman with uplifted nose said, stiffly: “I'm planning to leave from here quickly before one of you fellows tells the truth!”
Fact or Fiction!
A man walks into the library and asks: “I want the book The man who controlled wife”.
Without even lifting her head the librarian replies: “Fiction that side!"
Absence and Love!
Wife: Is it true that absence makes the love deep?
Husband: Yes darling, the longer your absence, the deeper is the love!
What is love?
Love is a temporary insanity, curable by marriage
In which month women talk less?
Man & Woman
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.