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Got an "F" in arithmetic.

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an "F" in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6.'"
"But that's right!" The father replied.
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What the heck's the stupid difference?" asked the father.
"That's what I said!"
 
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how much land you think you got here?"

Okay, so a Texan rancher comes upon a farmer from Maine. The Texan looks at the Mainer and asks, "Say, how much land you think you got here?" Mainer: 'Bout 10 acres I'd say." Texan (boasting): Well, on my lot, it takes me all day to drive completely around my property!" Mainer: "Yep, I got one of them trucks too."
 
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Walking through the woods Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. There was no sound.
He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom." The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in.
They listened for some time and never heard a sound. Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.
One man spotted a rail-road tie nearby. They picked up the tie, grunting and groaning, and lugged it to the hole. They tossed it in. No sound. All of a sudden, a goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were amazed.
About that time, an old hayseed farmer came out of the woods and asked the men if they had seen a goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this goat fly out of the woods and run and leap into the big hole. The man asked the farmer if this could have been his goat.
The old farmer said "naw, that can't be my goat...he was chained to a railroad tie."
 
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Parking Spot
John was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

John looked up again and said,
"Never mind. I found one."
 
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3 Possible Reasons

3 Possible Reasons When A Man Opens A Car Door For Wife

1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife…
 
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Repair the car: Reboot ?

Engineer… An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a software engineer are riding in a car when the car stalls by the side of the road. The electrical engineer says “Let’s strip down the wiring and try to trace where the fault might have occurred.” The chemical engineer says ” Maybe the fuel has become emulsified and is causing a blockage somewhere in the system.” The software engineer says ” Why don’t we close all the windows , get out , get back in , open the windows , then try it again.”
 
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IT Industry Makes FilMs?


What If IT Industry Makes FilMs?

SoMe FilMs Will Be

“Meri Disk TuMhare Paas Hai”,

“Java Wale Job Le Jayenge”,

“Do Processor Barah TerMinal”

 
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Elephant & Ant Jokes
The elephants of the jungle were playing basketball. There was one ant in the midst of all this. What was he doing?
He was the referee.
 
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panda bear

A panda walks into a bar, orders a sandwich and sits down.When the panda is done with his sandwich he pulls out a gun shoots the waiter then gets up to leave. The bartender stops him and says "you just shot my waiter and now your going to leave" and the panda replies "dude look it up" so the bartender pulls out a dictionary and looks up panda bear. It said"a animal that lives in africa. eats shoots and leaves.
 
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Medicine Cabinet

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?

She didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.
 
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Valentine's Day Dream

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams"

 
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A Healthy Life

Grandpa John was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
 
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Wearing White
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."
 
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Profession Used in Bible First

Three people were arguing about what profession was used first in the bible.

The Surgeon says, "The Medical profession was used first when God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.

The Engineer says, "No, engineering was used first. Just think of the engineering job it took to create the world out of chaos.

The Politician says, "You would have nothing if we didn't create chaos in the beginning?
 
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What Is The Highest Number?

One day Jimmy went up to his father and asked,

"Daddy, what's the highest number?"
his daddy said,

"Well, I'm not exactly sure, but i think it's in the stimulus package.
 
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Testing A lawyer, an

engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.

The engineer went in first and was asked, ''''What is 2+2?'''' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''''4.''''

Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ''4.0.''

Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ''''What do you want it to be?''''
 
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Rabbit and Snake

One day there was a rabbit and a snake who were both growing old and could not remember what animal they were.

"OK I'll describe you and then see if you can guess what you are." said the snake.

"That's a good idea." said the rabbit.

"You are white, fluffy, and you have big ears and feet." said the snake.

"Oh good, I'm a rabbit! So the rabbit says, "You are long, slim, and have a forked tongue."

"Oh NO, I'm a lawyer!
 
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Guess who knows the state capitals?

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."

A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
 
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Go on a hiking trip
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip.

They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
 
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Hunting with a wife
A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"

The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."

"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.

"My wife."
 
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