Teacher: "Kids, what does the fluffy chicken give you?"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pink pig give you?"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons."
A man to a psychiatrist: “How do you select who should be admitted to your facility?”
The psychiatrist replies: “We fill a bathtub with water and give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket. Then we ask that person to empty the bathtub.”
The man smiles: “Ah, I understand, if you are sane you would take the bucket.”
The Psychiatrist replies: “No, a sane guy pulls the plug. Do you want a room with or without a balcony?
Husband brings the child home from kindergarten and asks his wife, "He’s been crying the whole way home. Isn’t he sick or something?" "No," replies the wife, "he was just trying to tell you he isn’t our Frankie."
Husband: "What's hypnotism?"
Wife: "Taking control over someone & making him perform as per your wish."
Husband: "Nonsense! That's marriage, not hypnotism."
Don't waste time in finding guru.
God has gifted you a guru on your marriage day.
Bow to her and u will have a peaceful married life.
Intelligent answer 😜😜:
Wife 😡, "Tell me who is STUPID ? You or Me ?"
Husband (Calmly), "Dear everyone knows that, you are so intelligent, you will never marry a STUPID person."
What a decent way of telling facts !
"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”
“Because I’m still alive.”
"Dad you look tired."
"Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes? Those are the shadows of my great deeds."
Son: "Is this insecticide good for mosquitos?"
Dad: "Not at all, it kills them!"
When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on.
Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?"
Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Wife (after a fight) 😡 ...
Tell me those 3 magical words..
Husband: I love u 🌹
Wife : No 😡 not this
Husband : I like u 😜
Wife : Again No 😡😡 not these 3 words
Husband : I miss u 😃
Wife : Getting more angry....No no 😡😡😡
Husband - I was wrong 😔😩😖
Wife :YES 💃
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A teenager went missing.
His family uploads a message on whatsapp with his photo.
He was found, thanks to whatsapp.
It is more than three months now.
He is not able to go to school.
People are dropping him back home as the message is still circulating on whatsapp !!!
A patient goes to a doctor (on sunday)--my wife doesnt listen to me , has no respect for me, always fights with me , pls give some solution..
Dr : its not that easy , thats why my clinic is open even on sundays.
I went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into my house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" I said. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
HUSBANDS ARE THE BEST PEOPLE TO SHARE YOUR SECRETS WITH...
THEY WLL NEVER TELL ANYONE BECAUSE THEY AREN'T EVEN LISTENING
One day at school....
Teacher: Varun, answer me. What do you wanna be when you grow up.
Varun: Teacher, I wish to become a very rich man. My business should be in all major cities. I should buy a big bungalow. I will always travel by air. Wherever I go into should stay in 5 star hotels. There should be minimum 10 servants to take care of my needs. I should own the costliest car. I should have the costliest diamond.
Teacher: Stop Varun. Students, henceforth you should not give such lengthy answer. Please reply in a sentence. Ok. Now you tell me Pooja. What do you want to be?
Pooja: Varun's wife ..