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A Man And His Family Doctor Accidentally Meets In The Market. Doctor: "How Is Your Headache Now?" Patient: "Ohh, She Is Out Of Town."
 
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What Is The Best Punishment For A Girl? Give Her New Clothes, Matching Jewellry And Nice Cosmetics And Then Lock Her In A Room Without A Mirror.
 
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Johnny asked Jacob for a cigarette. Jacob Says, “I heard that you have made a New Year resolution to quit smoking habit”. Then Johnny replied, “Yes I have decided to quit this habit and I am in the process of quitting, right now I am in the second phase”. Then Jacob asked, “oh really, so what was the first phase?”
Johnny simply says “I have just quit buying cigarettes”!!
 
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I used to believe that the brain was the most important organ. But then I thought, hey, look who’s telling me that.


 
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If a girl is in Love...Her parents will ask who's that *idiot?*

If a boy is in Love,his parents ask : *Idiot,* who's that girl?

Misconception:No matter whoever in love, *boys are always idiots.*

Proposed theory: *Boys are normal before love, but become idiots after they fall in love*
 
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BREAKFAST IS THE INDICATER OF YOUR WIFE's MOOD:

If the Breakfast is UPMA, think what you have shouted at her yesterday evening.

If the Breakfast is Masala Dosa, a clear indicator that your wife needs something this evening.

If nothing is done for Breakfast, and your wife is sick in the morning itself, indicates that your parents are coming home.

If something special i.e two/three items are made for breakfast, indicates that your in-law’s or her friends are coming home.

If sweet is made with Breakfast, indicates that there is plan for movie of her choice.

If she is shouting on children, indicator that your friend had phoned up for drinks...

If lot of eatables are under preparation, clear indicator that she is proceeding to her mother’s house.

Hello, this is just to make you laugh - don’t reveal to your wife……….����
 
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Amazing Fact

You need at least *1 witness to prove a murder*

and a minimum of *2 witnesses to register a marriage!*

It clarifies which one is more dangerous?
 
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*Height of Innocence ...*

A man reaches hospital with a fractured leg...

There he finds another man with both his legs fractured...

Expressing deep empathy, he asks him:

" *Do you have TWO WIVES..!!??* "
 
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Please give Roses to your wife on teachers day.

You may not have heard any lectures from anyone else.
 
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Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?

Michael: The good news.

Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.



 
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A man goes to the lawyer: “What is your fee?”

Lawyer says: “1000 US dollars for 3 questions.”

Man: “Wow - so much! Isn’t it a bit expensive?”

Lawyer: “Yes, what is your third question?”


 
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What did the stamp say to the envelope?
-
You stick with me and I will take you places!


 
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A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.


 
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Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!"


 
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Women spend their whole life to find the right man...
.
.
just to tell him everyday that he is wrong!!
 
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A doctor had a fight with his wife.

Angry wife took revenge by eating an apple every night.

Because "An Apple keeps you away from the doctor."
 
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My Dear frds
If your man pisses you off..

Boil water
Let it boil, boil, boil, and boil.

As the water is still boiling.. wait for him to fall asleep.

When you are very sure that he is sleeping..
make some tea and drink it.
Tea reduces stress.

For those who expected hot water to be poured on him, you need serious help
 
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If ever u feel overloaded by life, wife or work .... immediately go to
the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center & place order fr any 1 or more of the following Antidotes :---

1. Wife Irritation Neutralizing Extract (WINE)
2. Refreshing Unique Medicine (RUM)
3. Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)
4. Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)
5. Wife High Infusing Suspicion Killing Energy Yeast (WHISKEY)

This is issued in public interest by Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association (BEWDA)
 
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What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus?

He waits at the next bus stop
 
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Police : _why didnt you report your stolen credit card ??_

Man : _The thief was spending less than my wife!!_ 😆
😝

Police: _then why did you report now?_

Man: _I think now the thief's wife started using it!
 
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