A wife to her husband:
Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm reading our marriage certificate.
- What for?
- I'm looking for the expiry date..
I Am Sorry I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew it.
WHO'S GUILTY? Wife dreaming at night. Suddenly, "Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of d window & realizes, "Damn it! I'm d husband!!!"
Same husband in next life too??
Why do Indian women want same husband in next life too??
Efforts taken by her to change him in this life will not b wasted!! ;-)
How Do You Know Carrots Are Good For Your Eyes?
You Never See a Rabbit Wearing Glasses
I'm in a big trouble!
A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
When I was young I didn't like going to weddings.
My grandmother would tell me, "You're next"
However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today."
"Dad, I don't want to go to school today." said the boy.
"Why not, son?"
"Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day."
"But why don't you want to go today?"
"Because our English teacher died yesterday!"
"The Best Restaurant"There were three restauraunts on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City."
The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World."
On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
The man said to Bohlool, "You said your donkey has been taken but there it is. Is it not?"
Nasruddin replied, "You are a strange and stupid friend. Even after forty years of friendship, you listen to a donkey but not to me. You shall not have my donkey".
One morning, one of Nasruddin's friends came to him and said: "Dear Nasruddin, will you please lend me your donkey? I have to travel to the next village to deliver some goods by sundown."
"Oh", replied Nasruddin with a pretension of anxiety, "but mine has already been taken by somebody else."
Just then the bray of a donkey was heard.
Fish Saved My Life
"Once I was dying," said Nasruddin one day, "It was then that a fish saved my life."
"How? Please tell me." asked a curious listener.
"I was dying out of hunger. There was a river nearby. I caught the fish and ate it. It saved my life."
"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?" asked a person.
"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me.
name of his other leg?"
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
I can't work in the dark."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)