Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
The First 3 Years of Marriage
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.
These need to be written.
Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.
Always put 'am' after an "I".
eacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A man is talking to God
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."
I'm a stranger
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.
A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
World's Smallest Resignation Letter
I Love your Wife.
According to a research
87% of young people have
The other 13% have no
Your Ex-GirlFriend Asking If u Can Still Be Friends After A Break-Up..
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Teacher: "Johnny, Im Glad To See Your Writing Has Improved."
Johnny: "Thank You"
Teacher: "Now, Finally,
I Can See How Bad Your Spellings Are!!!"
I was in court the other day and the Judge said to me "Have you ever been up before me?"
I replied, "I'm not sure, what time do you normally wake up?"