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Student1 :Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Student 2: OK
Student 1: A white horse fell in the mud.

 
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Teacher: Could you please pay a little attention here?
Student: yes mam, I am paying as little attention as i can. !!
 
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"Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"
 
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What is the difference b/w wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duty,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat photi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake:
 
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“Excuse me, sir, have you seen a police officer around?”
-
“No, not a soul, actually.”
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“Very good, now give me your wallet, watch and laptop!”


 
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When your first child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you take it to a doctor. When your second child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you spit on a hankie and clean it. When your third child eats some earth, a bit of grass or a worm, you wonder whether it still needs lunch.


 
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I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.


 
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A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”


 
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My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.



 
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Shortest joke a software developer can tell:

“I’ll be ready soon.”


 
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Fantastic exercise that really helps you to lose weight: Turn your head to the left. Good. Turn your head to the right. Very good. Repeat this exercise whenever you are offered any food.



 
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They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the Moon!


 
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A girl asks a boy: "Peter, how much do you love me?"

The boy looks her in the eyes, "Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you."

The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”

Boy nods, "Exactly!"


 
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Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


 
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A man was watching a DVD at home.. and jor jor se cheekhne laga …..

Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

Ghode par se mat utar.. Pagal mat utar..

Its a trap!! Its a trap!!

you will die..

Wife asked: what are you watching?
Husband replied: Our wedding DVD!!
 
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Husband = Mere marne ke baad kya tum doosri shaadi karogi?

Wife = Nahin, main apni behen ke saath rahungi… or aap?

Husband = Main bhi tumhari behen ke saath rahunga….

 
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Conveying is an art…
Wife : I have a good news and a bad news
Husband : I am very busy … Just give me good news
Wife : the airbags worked properly in our new Audi
 
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Husband : Where did you go?
Wife : Mall for shopping.
H : what did you purchase then?
W : One hair band and 45 selfies
 
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Pati : Mohabbat agar andhi hai to shadi kya hai.

Patni : Shadi aankhon ka operation hai.
 
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A bank manager without anyone around may find themself a-loan.
 
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